Pizza and Beer. Delicious Fun.

There are few pairings in life that make perfect sense. Foot and Ball, Stripper and Pole, Pizza and Beer. As a fat man in America I prefer the latter. A hot slice of Pepperoni and Cheese married to a Cold Brew has an uncanny way of enhancing any situation. What are the top 5 ways to enjoy a pie and a pint? Perhaps I can throw my hat into the ring.

#5. Chuck E. Cheese: Not your typical pizza and beer joint, but there’s no better way to enjoy not having kids. While the pizza itself is akin to the carboard box it comes in, the satisfaction of watching other men who gave up on themselves, fishing their crying offspring out of a pit of plastic balls, is second to none. The upside is the beer is by the pitcher and there are plenty of cougars milling about looking for some action. If your lucky some little bastard might even kick Chuck E. in the Cheeseballs to top off your night.

#4. XBOX Live: If you’re into marathon bouts of pwning noobs you’ll need your energy. The pizza will be delivered straight to your door, keeping your fat ass glued to the couch, and the beer will loosen your lips so you can call 8 year olds “fags” without the guilt. Also great after pleasuring yourself to that digital pron you love so much.

#3. The Hangover: Rookie’s will swear by Gatorade and scrambled eggs but the veterans have discovered the ancient Chinese secret that got that Great Wall built in the a.m. Pizza and beer. We’ve all heard of “wake and bake” but I prefer “wake and take out”. If a tall frosty with some sausage and mushroom doesn’t get you to church in the morning than I’ll eat my front teeth.

#2. Before, during, and after sexy time: Let’s face it she’s probably not that hot if you’re a pizza and beer purveyor so let’s make sure it’s not for nothing. Pre-game it gets you prepared for the deed. Favor the beer beforehand to keep the pizza down. During the ride, you’ll want to alternate evenly. Balance your bites and swigs to maintain the illusion. When it’s time to get off the bus lean towards the pie. It evens you out and disgusts her just enough to make her leave. Follow with a generous helping of suds. Well played.

#1. During the game: Sporting events are only a bunch of men playing with balls until you crack a can and encroach the crust. If you’re watching sports and there’s not a slice in the house you might be gay or a homo. The choice is yours. If you ever have the guys over for the Super Bowl and there’s no pizza and beer prepare to be blackballed for life. I recommend twelve extra large and 8 cases per head if you know what you’re doing. Eat, drink, and be merry. Well, “merry” is kind of gay. Just eat and drink. Play ball! 

 

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