Archive for the The Barcade Category

Mega Man 9

Posted in Bar, The Barcade on September 25, 2008 by Dustin "the Bartender" Pena

Remember when Mega Man was rad? You know, when he was an ass kicking robot instead of a computer program dressed like a Euro cyclist? Well the ass kicker is back in his pixelated blue 8-bit duds and he’s not messing around. Mega Man 9 is the title that looks the old school NES gamer in the face and says, “Hey man. Can I lick your balls?” And the answer is “Yes.” You can lick my balls, Mega Man. And you can lick ’em good.

Capcom hasn’t changed the formula here and that’s exactly the point. The gameplay is everything you’d expect from an NES Mega Man title right down to the original NES style graphics and “Medusa Head” difficulty. Pick your Boss, beat your Boss, gain their power, rinse, and repeat. There are a few new additions to the equation such as portals and revolving platforms that give Mega Man 9 that modern day touch, but this is 100% Mega Man and for the first time in my Wii’s lifespan I may actually break a few Wiimotes, and that’s a good thing.

Glade Plug-In man keeps his dungeon smelling like fresh baked Apple Pie.

Glade Plug-In man keeps his dungeon smelling like fresh baked Apple Pie.

My only complaint with Mega Man 9 is the lackluster boss roster. We’ve seen these guys before in earlier installments with minor design changes and altered names. The whole bosses based on water, air, electricity, fire, etc. has run it’s course in my opinion. Sure, we get the first Female boss in the Mega Man universe but we’re talking about robots here and I doubt Splash Woman has the parts to keep Mega Man satisfied. Why not head down a new creative avenue with these mechanical madmen? I would love to see a menu of Bosses based on food. Is that too much to ask? I’d like to toss around Salad Man or whip on Licorice Man. You could even eat their heads to gain there powers!! Maybe in Mega Man 10? I’m talking to you Omelette Man, you greasy bastard!

Another original Mega Man boss, now with 100% more fire.

Another original Mega Man boss, now with 100% more fire.

All said, this is one Wii Ware title worth your download dollars, though I don’t like the idea of having to purchase downloadable content as it becomes available. Micro transactions really piss me off and only serve to shakedown the consumer, but I digress. If you are a fan of the original Mega Man series than you’ve already purchased this fine peice of electronic entertainment. If you’ve never played a Mega Man title before you will suck at this game and I will laugh at you generously, but give it a shot so you can see what we seasoned Mega Maniacs are talking about when we say today’s games are easier than a single mother! 9/10

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New International Track & Field

Posted in The Barcade on August 19, 2008 by Dustin "the Bartender" Pena

Olympic fever is sweeping the nation thanks to some guy that looks like Gumby who can swim pretty fast. Michael Phelps’ greed for gold has got everyone so crazy they forgot all about Heath Ledger! Well I haven’t forgotten. In fact I remember. I remember the greatest bar game of all time, Konami’s knuckle busting Track & Field.

Konami apparently hasn’t forgotten either as they have so generously just released an all new update for the franchise with New International Track & Field for the Nintendo DS. Konami has crammed all the joy of the Olympic games into one tiny cart, minus the fake fireworks, ugly children, and racially insensitive Spanish basketball teams. The result is a mix of what made the original so great with the new that makes this incarnation so “meh”.

You have a bevy of ethnic stereotype midgets to tackle the dozens of events with, along with some unlockable characters from the Konami game universe that will keep fanboys going for the gold. Konami has swapped the button mashing madness for screen scratching mayhem. If you love the pristine shine of your DS’ lower screen than you are strongly advised to “hurdle” over this installment of T&F. Perhaps My Super Yoga Buddy would be a better option.

The issue with NIT&F is that most of the games play out exactly the same with very little variety. Frantically scrape your stylus across the length of the screen as fast as possible followed by a quick tap to execute. That’s about the gist. It doesn’t help that many of the events are next to impossible to qualify on, but once you get into a rhythm and perfect your timing you may nab that coveted Bronze medal! You can opt to swap out stylus slashing for the classic button mashing but on a small handheld game system it doesn’t really help your chances.

If your a patient gamer with a penchant for unlocking costumes than you may be inspired to pull a Phelps with this game. If you are easily frustrated, however you may just want to stick with Heath Ledger cause this game won’t put a smile on that face. 6/10